Hey lovelies! Wow, long time no blog am I right. I’ve been thinking about what I could write for about three months and I thought that maybe a bit of questions and answers may be a good idea. So, I took to Instagram and used the question sticker on my story to get people to ask me questions. Each question will be anonymous as there are a few personal questions being asked. The subject matter? Baby loss and mental health, so please be prepared for very personal and honest answers. So, here goes.
- How was going back to work after losing Delilah?
Well, I didn’t go back to work for 5 months, I struggled to bag a job and I truly think its because I was honest with what had happened to Delilah in the interviews! However, I was finally offered 3 jobs and I chose the one best suited to me. It’s been really hard, draining and tough emotionally, but it’s been rewarding and has offered me some time to escape. Some days are harder at work than others but I get my job done and try not to let my grief get in the way until I am home for the day.
- What coping methods for mental health do you find useful?
Truly, this is hard for me , but I take a low dose anti-depressant, I watch my favourite shows and I think of the positives in life. I also am a big planner so I look at things I want to do in the future or need to have done by a certain time – this distracts me a lot and gives me a focus.
- Will there be another baby in the future?
I am praying so! Gareth doesn’t want to start trying yet, he isn’t working at the moment so we aren’t financially able to and he is coming to terms with Delilah’s death (he went back to work a week later and eventually quit as it was too much, he didn’t get enough time to grieve). I need to prepare my body for another baby, be at work for a year to gain maternity pay, finish the flat off and make sure I know completely that not every pregnancy ends in a living baby – it’s still hard to process.
- Do you know what caused Delilah’s death?
We know why she died but we don’t know what caused the failure. I’d love to share a post regarding what happened but Delilah has two parents and if Gareth isn’t comfortable sharing it I won’t be either. It was not my fault, my body’s fault or anything to do with Delilah’s health – she was absolutely perfect.
- Will Delilah’s stillbirth effect anyone else’s pregnancy?
It will in fact mean I am highly monitored next time, Kiah will be too and any other girls we may have in the future. My sisters also have to inform midwives that I have had a stillbirth so that they can be monitored too.
- How was Delilah’s funeral?
Awful and wonderful both at the same time. It was awful because I had to bury my baby, Gareth carried her coffin and I just couldn’t believe it all. It was wonderful because everyone close to us attended, they reacted and showed their emotions too.
- Has anyone been insensitive towards you?
Unintentionally yes. The worst thing someone has said without meaning to was “it’s hard looking after 2 babies anyway.” My heart was crushed after that because I truly know its harder to raise a dead baby alongside a living child… Gareth’s old boss and a colleague were completely insensitive, but again that’s Gareth’s story to tell.
- How has Delilah opened your eyes to the world?
I realise now that not everything is guaranteed. I was so naive to assume I’d bring my daughter home. I’ve learnt to appreciate each day, see all of the small beautiful things in life. I’ve also realised how awful some things can be, because I’ve felt the pain, I’ve started a new journey. Delilah has opened my eyes to each and every emotion and that its OK to feel each one in response to what happens in our world.
- How will you celebrate Delilah’s birthday?
I will be setting up a Just Giving page and donate the money to the Women’s and Children’s ward where I have birth to Delilah. The care we were given has not gone unrecognised and if love to donate so that maybe someone else in my position can be benefited as we were.
- How has your relationship changed?
I’ll be doing a blog post on this – The reality of relationships after loss. It will be up sooner rather than later.
I have had a lot more questions but they are very similar to the ones I’ve answered. If anyone has anything else they’d like to ask or even a blog post request please leave me a comment!
Thanks for reading! Xx