Hey lovelies! I know it’s been a while but I am back. I wanted to come back with a post that could relate to a lot of people and thought I’d chip away at my own opinions in the process. As a lot of you know, I am a young mom. I had Kiah 4 days after my 19th birthday so when I announced my pregnancy to everyone I was 18. I was so scared to tell anyone because I was so young. Yes I wanted to be a mom, no it wasn’t planned and no I don’t regret it at all. I had support and people around me were very excited and very honest with me regarding the pregnancy and labour. I was so humbled by the support system I had surrounding me and I couldn’t have been more thankful. However, I know there are young parent’s reading this, wishing they had the help that I had. This blog is for those people. I wanted to point out some truths to everyone that disregards young parents!
Here are my 5 truths!
- Goodbye to our young years! Yes, we may still go out for a drink from time to time or spend time with our friends but we cannot be care-free. I have only been out about 5 times since Kiah was born and each time I found myself checking my phone or calling Gareth to get an update. I found that it was so hard to be young. I always feel like I have to be “grown up” and am a little afraid of having too much fun (goodbye to drinking Hooch on a park at half 10 at night).
- Most of your friends aren’t parents yet. They don’t understand what it’s like to be tired but still have to be on your feet. They don’t know if they should invite you to events and outings because you now have a dependant – I am begging you, please don’t forget about us mommy’s when you are planning drinks! They don’t understand the things that your child did and why it was funny so talking about your child peeing outside like a dog isn’t amusing to them and they will probably think that’s bad parenting – it’s not, it is hilarious. With not having your friend group being all parent you can find it hard to connect with them on levels that you used to be able to, it’s quite lonely you know…
- The god damn young parent stigmas! I swear that when I announced I was pregnant people thought that they were providing for my child and it should ultimately be theres! Yes I work, no I don’t take drugs, no it wasn’t planned, yes I am still with the father, no I don’t smoke and drink whilst carrying my child and yes IT WILL BE HARD!!! People asked me all the time if I worked and if I would be returning to work which I did. I got asked if it was a “mistake” – no, she was an unexpected blessing! I was questioned if Gareth had run or not all of the time. I don’t know why there are so many bad stigmas against young parents because any parent of any age can be in those circumstances, be terrible parents, but for some bizzar reason it is so much easier to target a mom of 18 years old than it is a mom of 28 years old. BREAK THE STIGMA!
- Minimum wage for a 20-year-old is not enough to live on when you have mouths to feed and bills to pay. I never moaned about my wage before I got pregnant, I just worked 2 jobs to make sure I had extra instead. Now I am 20, have bills to pay, mouths to feed and clothes to buy my wage is all I seem to complain about. It is not livable. Yes I get help with my childcare but that is all. I don’t feel I should ge a second job and miss out on all of my daughter’s life because I simply cannot afford what others can. I am not expecting a wage of someone who has studied at university and earned what they get but I am saying that I know a lot of 25 year olds that don’t work hard, don’t have that many bills to pay yet seem to be on £2 more an hour than me when I work hard. Explain this to me please…
- Where did our self-confidence go? Whether it’s self confidence with what we wear, meeting new people or going on dates or even in the bedroom it just seems to have gone. I used to have a nice body, no stretch marks or wobbly bits and now I can’t stand the sight of myself. I hate meeting new people just incase they notice how tired I am, my bad skin, the snot stains on my jeans where a tiny little nose has rubbed up against me before running back off to play with the toys. I don’t want people to think bad of me or label me. I wish I could have a little bit of self confidence again but for now that’s not my main concern.
So before you look at a young parent and judge them, take into account all of the sacrifices they make, the money they don’t have, the loneliness they feel. Don’t question if their child was a “mistake” ever. Please don’t forget about those mommy friends hen you organise a night out – trust me, we bloody need it! And if you are a young parent – congratulations! You deserve this child just as much as a woman who is 35, just as much as the graduate with the doctorate, just as much as those parents that have waited on an adoption list for 5 years.Stop judging and start realising!
I would love to know any truths that you want to share about being a young parent, or a parent at all! Leave a comment below.
Thanks for reading! Xx